Posted: March 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

AUTHOR: SheiFunmi

Naija Celebs And Their Stans!

In his interminable bouts of screaming fits that he calls rap, Eminem got angry enough to coin the term “Stan”, a lexicon jab directed at his Stalkers and Fans alike.

It’s always been a source of menstrual cramp to me why a young white boy such as Eminem needed to vent so much. For one, he ain’t black and neither a psychopath (debatable you say?). But the mystery got solved when I heard him sing about his “Stans”. Finally he had a logical reason to be pissed and since then I’ve managed to figure out his rants…sorry music.

Being a celebrity myself (in my head) I’ve had my fair share of “Stans”. Don’t get me started on them. But I digress, this ain’t even about me. It’s about the Stans of Naija’s biggest so called celebs, whom left to me are rather Sta…by proxy. Geddit?!

Here’s a few of them in no particular order.

The Olu Maintain stans

- Most deadly stan group.
- They live in the past and are basically regarded as old school
- They tend to reminisce a lot about artistes such as Edris Abdulkareem, Tony Tetula, BigLo, who are certainly no where to be found and have committed career suicide

The UTI Fans

- Mostly gay boys that are skinny, teenagers and early 20′s
- The often still get allowance
- They talk big but can’t fight and lie to him about how good his music is
- Also artsy lesbians into modelling and fashion

The Joke Silva Stans

- They still live in the 90s
- They have no memory of 2000s and always refer to her early days of acting
- They fail to realize she might soon require oesophagal surgery if she keeps straining her buccal muscle in effort to overpronounce every word.

The D’banj Stans

- Mostly gays & obese girls from 18-30 also razz and not so razz boys that don’t know what class is, especially when and where to take wine or the appropriate time to take champagne, everything is champagne, hennessy and moet to them
- Still in the university trying to graduate and or swallow and get involved in oral transactions for Gucci bags
- Think that the response to every comment is “oshey, don’t get it twisted”

The Wizkid stans

- They know nothing about music or history of music
- Mostly skinny pretty girls between ages 16 – 27
- The think everybody is a “Hater”
- They do not only attack your twitter or facebook when you give a sincere-brutal comment on him, they mess with your IP address and block you on twitter especially when they are not following you.
- Hate to admit his wrong doings and love for marijuanna

The Tiwa Savage Stans

- They call her the only diva in Nigeria’s entertainment industry
- Never want to admit that she looks like a drag queen and applies way too much earth clay instead of Mary Kay pancake.
- They attack your site when you make a review about her and attack your IP address, twitter and facebook
- Oh, they hate SheiFunmi, forgetting he is a fan of Tiwa and knows all her music history right from her early days
- They always chant “Tiwa is a grammy artist”. As if…Pfffttt

The Denrele Stans

- Wear bright contacts
- Can’t wear anything other than skinny jeans, bodysocks and saggy tights
- Slightly old females that tend to be faghags or beards to closeted gay men
- Extremely effeminate (males) in nature
- They always think they are mad or equally as crazy he is

The DavidO Stans

- Generally young adults male and female wanting to date him
- They only admit his scandal with Sonia in DMs
- They secretly save his shirtless pictures and photos with his dimples vividly showing
- They secretly hate wizkid and see them (wizkid and davido) as competitors

The Omawumi Stans

- Love the fact that she is razz
- Never want to admit Waje is a better singer and Omawumi is overshadowing her
-They are hyperactive and can often dance their butt off
- They are still mad that she didn’t win Idol, also they don’t like Timi Dakolo

The Yinka Davies/ Yemi Alade stans

- They think that screaming is the same thing as singing
- They attack more successful artists
- They are often invisible

The Lami Stans

- Does she even have any?

The M.I Stans

- Can’t name rappers besides Iceprince & Naeto C
- Think they are poetic in nature
- Rapper wannabes

 

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Mar 16, 2012